Football: 4 games. Rain: absolutely rampant.
If you turned up expecting a full programme of football, you were wildly optimistic.
If you brought wellies, a snorkel, and low expectations — you were spot on.
This was not a football Saturday.
This was a hydrology conference.
🏆 ISUZU FA VASE
Hallen vs Gornal Athletic – P-P
The Vase will have to wait. Hallen’s pitch joined the witness protection programme.
⚽ HELLENIC PREMIER DIVISION
Inspectors arrived. Inspectors laughed nervously. Inspectors postponed everything.
Highworth Town vs Worcester Raiders – P-P Cinderford Town vs Royal Wootton Bassett Town – P-P Corsham Town vs Cirencester Town – P-P Cribbs vs Westfields – P-P Droitwich Spa vs Lydney Town – P-P Longlevens AFC vs Mangotsfield United – P-P Thornbury Town vs Hereford Pegasus – P-P
At this point, clubs were just sending “P-P” messages pre-emptively.
🌟 THE TWO THAT SURVIVED (SOMEHOW)
Pershore Town 2–3 Slimbridge
One of the few pitches brave (or foolish) enough to host football.
Pershore led 2–0, Slimbridge responded with three goals and zero mercy.
Football happened. Everyone immediately went home to dry out.
Roman Glass St George 0–4 Fairford Town
Yes. This one was real.
Yes. Fairford absolutely turned up.
Fairford made light work of conditions that looked borderline inflatable, storming into a 2–0 half-time lead before pulling away after the break.
Goals from:
Charles Holliday (17) Harrison Edwards (37) Sol Pryce (48) Elliott Haffenden (70)
Attendance: 105
All heroes. All soaked. All questioning their life choices.
⚽ HELLENIC DIVISION ONE
More water. Less football.
Alcester Town vs Clanfield 85 – P-P Cheltenham Saracens vs Redditch Borough – P-P Ludlow Town vs Chipping Sodbury Town – P-P Newent Town vs Bewdley Town – P-P Shortwood United vs Carterton – P-P Thame United Reserves vs Brimscombe & Thrupp – P-P Woodford United vs Stonehouse Town – P-P
One lonely survivor:
Malmesbury Victoria 2–2 Wantage Town
Football played. Goals scored. Conditions described as “character building”.
🟡 ALLIANCE EAST
Hambleden 1–6 Ardley United Res Goals flowed freely. Hambleden… less so. Kidlington Dev vs Easington Sports Dev – P-P Banbury United Dev vs Hungerford Town Res – P-P
🔵 ALLIANCE WEST
University of Bristol vs Highworth Town Res – P-P Bourton Rovers Dev vs Carterton Dev – P-P
🏆 CUPS
Bateman Sports Alliance (Chairman’s) Challenge Cup: UDA Glos Dev vs Newent Town Dev – P-P Oxon FA Intermediate Cup: Clanfield 85 Res vs Headington Amateurs – P-P
☔ FULL-TIME SUMMARY
Football tried.
Football lost.
The rain remains unbeaten, ducks top the fair play league, and fixture secretaries are now legally entitled to cry.
Seriously — when will this weather stop?
We want our football back. ⚽🌧️🦆
Written By – AI