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We might be a bit late reporting this, but we’re thrilled to share that the goals were perfectly on point!
James Baldwin delivered an incredible performance, scoring four goals in an away match against Carterton. This marks his second hat-trick in just one month, and he didn’t stop there, he added an extra goal for good measure.
What a phenomenal run of form from Baldwin is clinical, confident, and unstoppable!
A complete first-half masterclass from our number 10, Josh Davis, a man clearly on a mission, and apparently allergic to not scoring goals. He delivered a blistering ten-minute hat-trick that left Malmesbury looking like they needed a group meeting, a breather, and possibly a new game plan.
The opener came when Josh reacted quicker than anyone else in the box, honestly, he moved like someone who’d just heard the last slice of pizza was up for grabs. He smashed home from six yards with so much power the goalkeeper could only wave at it politely as it flew past.
Barely had the celebrations died down when Josh was at it again. He broke through the Malmesbury back line with the confidence of a man who’d already decided he was scoring, strolled toward goal, and calmly slotted it past the advancing keeper. Cool. Composed. Clinical. Probably didn’t even break a sweat.
But the third… that one had everything. Determination, drama, maybe even a touch of comedy. Josh beat a defender, rounded the goalkeeper, and looked certain to finish, until his effort was blocked on the line by a very determined defender. No problem. Josh just picked up the rebound and hammered it home anyway, completing his hat-trick in style and confirming that yes, this was absolutely his half.
An outstanding treble in ten minutes, and a performance that had the crowd wondering if Josh had somewhere he needed to be, because he certainly wasn’t hanging around.
The team signed his match ball and Josh posed for a picture!
If Tuffley had nightmares after the first encounter, they’ll need therapy after this one. Aidan Clark has done it again, netting his second set of three goals against the same unlucky side this season. That’s right, two hat-tricks, one victim. Somewhere in Gloucestershire, defenders are running scared.
The match started with Tuffley showing promise, but that lasted about as long as a chocolate teapot in a heatwave. Clark opened the scoring with a finish so calm it could have been sipping tea. His second? A thunderbolt that nearly needed planning permission. And the third? Well, let’s just say the goalkeeper is still checking if the ball had a tracking device.
Fans were chanting, teammates were grinning, and even the referee looked impressed, though he still booked someone for celebrating too hard. With this performance, Clark has officially become Tuffley’s least favourite person since whoever invented away fixtures.
The big question now: Can anyone stop him? Or should Tuffley just start sending him Christmas cards and hope for mercy?
Better late than never! We’ve finally got the photo in! 😅
A massive shoutout to Kai Del-Kiffen, who bagged a superb hat-trick against Wellington back on 12th August, leading Bewdley to an impressive 5–3 away win. Three goals, three points, and one very happy dressing room (once they’d all stopped chasing the match ball around).
Kai, huge congratulations on a top performance, that’s how you make a statement! ⚽🔥
Welcome to the Hat-Trick Club, even if your photo took longer to arrive than one of your goal celebrations! 😉👏
#BewdleyTown #HatTrickHero #BetterLateThanNever #uhlsport
19-year-old Archie Thurston wrote himself into the Pershore Town history books on Saturday, bagging his first senior hat trick against Lydney Town, and he’s already claimed the match ball as his new “bedside ornament.”
Archie spent last season at Bromsgrove Sporting U21s, where he made his first team debut against Bishops Stortford, but he’s now returned to Pershore determined to continue his journey in men’s football (and maybe to finally stop his dad telling him to “shoot more”). He’s no stranger to the club either, having come through Pershore Town U18s as a shining product of the player pathway.
He opened the scoring in the 30th minute after latching onto a Martin Fowler through ball , Martin has since claimed it was “definitely intentional.” Just three minutes later, Archie coolly doubled his tally from 10 yards after neat build-up play out wide, though he insists it looked better than it probably did.
Pershore controlled much of the game with goalkeeper Joe Cunneen so untroubled that, rumour has it, he started planning his Sunday roast during the second half.
Archie had to wait until the 70th minute to complete his hat trick from the penalty spot, though he did briefly toy with the idea of a “Panenka” before wisely deciding otherwise. Joel Hill then wrapped things up in the 86th minute to make sure Archie didn’t hog all the headlines.
Well Done Archie, we hope to be writing more of these for you!!
Every once in a while, football gifts you a story that writes itself. On this occasion, it came in the form of Jack W. Smith, who decided one goal simply wasn’t enough and went home with the match ball tucked under his arm. Yes, folks, we’re talking about his first ever hat-trick for Slimbridge in the Hellenic Premier League.
The first? Textbook stuff. Slimbridge strung together a move so neat it should be on display in the Tate Modern, and Smith finished it off like he’d been doing it all his life. 1-0, thank you very much.
The second? Pure chaos. Smith turned into Slimbridge’s very own vacuum cleaner, hoovering up a loose pass, racing through like his boots were on fast-forward, and rolling it past the goalkeeper before anyone else had realised what had happened.
And the third? That was the moment. The 76th minute, edge of the box, Smith wound up and smacked it like he was trying to send the ball back to Slimbridge High Street. It flew in, the crowd went up, and suddenly Jack W. Smith was that guy, the hat-trick hero.
The opposition defence will probably be having nightmares. The Slimbridge fans? They’ll be dining out on this one for a while. And Jack? Well, he’s probably already rehearsing how he’s going to casually drop “oh yeah, when I got my hat-trick” into every conversation for the next month.
Well Done Jack. Enjoy the football proudly sponsored by uhlsport
Attached is a beaming Jordan Williamson, just look at that smile!!, he’s clutching the match ball after his blink-and-you’ll-miss-it hat-trick performance in Monday’s clash between Westfields and Hereford Pegasus. What a game this was! The chatter on “X” after Dan Moons Westfields were taken apart has been wild!
And when we say quick, we mean quick. Three goals in five minutes. That’s right, the 35th, 37th, and 40th minute. By the time most fans had nipped off for a pie and a pint, which we are reliably informed is top notch at Westfields!, Jordan had already rewritten the scoreboard.
Not satisfied with just three, he popped up again in the 78th minute to bag his fourth of the day, rounding off a 5–2 win away at the neighbours.
Final word: Four goals, one match ball, one very smug goalscorer and why shouldn’t he be!! Well Done Jordan. Hope the ball runs well and more goals come from you!
Attached you’ll find Newent Town’s very own hat-trick hero (well, hat-trick-plus-one if we’re being picky), Dylan Hart, proudly clutching the match ball after Newent Town’s 7–2 demolition of Carterton earlier this month.
In the first photo, Dylan is all smiles, holding up 3 fingers the now classic hat-trick pose. In the second photo, He’s still smiling, but now holding up 4 fingers, because, let’s be honest, maths wasn’t his strong point in the heat of the moment and he actually scored FOUR, forgetting the pose was for his hat-trick.
The game itself started like a proper contest. For the opening half hour, Carterton were shading it, and we were beginning to wonder if anyone had remembered to put the nets up at our end. But then, former Worcester City man Dylan Hart decided enough was enough, strapped on his shooting boots, and turned into a one-man highlight reel.
Goal. Goal. Goal. (Pause for dramatic effect.) Goal.
By the 70th minute he’d done enough damage to Carterton’s goal difference (and probably their confidence), so we hauled him off to give them a breather.
Final score: Newent Town 7 – 2 Carterton.
Final verdict: Dylan Hart loves goals almost as much as he loves posing with footballs.
All joking aside, well done Dylan. Keep going and enjoy scoring we hope more goals.
Usually found in defence, Callum Blackford swapped his full-back role for the number ten shirt and delivered a dazzling performance to claim the first match ball of the new campaign.
In just six blistering minutes of the first half, Blackford struck a sensational hat-trick – two thunderous 20-yard finishes, both supplied by Jake Love, followed by a cool far-post finish from a right-wing cross.
The drama didn’t end there. FC Stratford fought back brilliantly to level the contest at 3-3 by the 52nd minute, but in the dying moments it was Blackford again at the heart of the action, this time turning provider for James Piatek, who slotted home the 95th-minute winner.
All of this unfolded at the home of Shakespeare. As the Bard himself wrote in The Tempest:
“O brave new world, that hath such people in’t!”
Well Done Callum!