Every once in a while, football gifts you a story that writes itself. On this occasion, it came in the form of Jack W. Smith, who decided one goal simply wasn’t enough and went home with the match ball tucked under his arm. Yes, folks, we’re talking about his first ever hat-trick for Slimbridge in the Hellenic Premier League.

The first? Textbook stuff. Slimbridge strung together a move so neat it should be on display in the Tate Modern, and Smith finished it off like he’d been doing it all his life. 1-0, thank you very much.

The second? Pure chaos. Smith turned into Slimbridge’s very own vacuum cleaner, hoovering up a loose pass, racing through like his boots were on fast-forward, and rolling it past the goalkeeper before anyone else had realised what had happened.

And the third? That was the moment. The 76th minute, edge of the box, Smith wound up and smacked it like he was trying to send the ball back to Slimbridge High Street. It flew in, the crowd went up, and suddenly Jack W. Smith was that guy, the hat-trick hero.

The opposition defence will probably be having nightmares. The Slimbridge fans? They’ll be dining out on this one for a while. And Jack? Well, he’s probably already rehearsing how he’s going to casually drop “oh yeah, when I got my hat-trick” into every conversation for the next month.

Well Done Jack. Enjoy the football proudly sponsored by uhlsport