If Tuffley had nightmares after the first encounter, they’ll need therapy after this one. Aidan Clark has done it again, netting his second set of three goals against the same unlucky side this season. That’s right, two hat-tricks, one victim. Somewhere in Gloucestershire, defenders are running scared.

The match started with Tuffley showing promise, but that lasted about as long as a chocolate teapot in a heatwave. Clark opened the scoring with a finish so calm it could have been sipping tea. His second? A thunderbolt that nearly needed planning permission. And the third? Well, let’s just say the goalkeeper is still checking if the ball had a tracking device.

Fans were chanting, teammates were grinning, and even the referee looked impressed, though he still booked someone for celebrating too hard. With this performance, Clark has officially become Tuffley’s least favourite person since whoever invented away fixtures.

The big question now: Can anyone stop him? Or should Tuffley just start sending him Christmas cards and hope for mercy?